Fun? You Call this Fun?

No, this is not another article decrying organized youth sports for being too competitive and adult-driven. It's not about how organized sports can sometimes suck all of the fun out of a young athlete's experience in youth sports. And it's not yet another newsworthy tale of a parent behaving badly at their son or daughter's game.

Instead, I'm going to discuss the meaning of fun and how it applies to youth sports.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines fun as "what provides amusement or enjoyment." Another dictionary of mine defines fun as "lively, joyous play or playfulness." These both represent descriptions of an activity that generates a feeling within an individual. But is one person's fun, as it relates to playing sports, the same as another person's?

Different Flavors

The truth is that the word “fun” has different meanings. Fun has an elastic quality. Its nature can change depending on a person's mood and his or her expectations for participation. It's meaning sometimes changes based on group dynamics—the type of participants and the way in which they interact.

There is the relaxed, non-directed play that I sometimes refer to as “running around and picking daisies.” This form of play is all about the running, laughing, relaxed camaraderie, and simple animal joy that children experience when they move and release energy. Everyone has seen a group of kids playing an “organized” sport in their backyard or street and watched as the game devolves into giggling, exaggerated one-on-one battles, wild shots, “new rules,” and running after each other. These children are enjoying the “picking daisies” form of fun.

There is also the type of fun that is embodied in a more structured, competitive activity. This “running around” is more directed, set against an opposing force, and produces a more complex set of emotions that many children will also describe as “fun.” The competitive aspect of this more intense play provides a challenge which often spurs a superior, sometimes undreamed level of performance. “Fun” is experienced in a joyous individual or team moment where all the parts perfectly come together in that instant of time. Learning a new skill, and how to better compete, leads to an exhilarating “fun” feeling of greater self esteem and confidence. Preparing for, and reaching a shared team goal [think celebrating a championship] is “fun.” These forms of fun are especially appealing to older children who seek a richer experience in sports.

Fun and Organized Youth Sports

Having played sports for my entire life and coached youth basketball for a good part of it, I sometimes hear a parent or administrator casually say, “We’re just out here to run around and have some fun.” Yes, in some situations, that observation is dead-on—but not in most instructional youth sports programs with games and practices. The person who says, “Let’s just have fun,” does not grasp the essence of the goals pursued by a good youth sports coach. Most coaches (along with players and knowledgeable parents) want more.

Although “picking daisies” is always part of youth sports, children can easily find this form of fun in unstructured neighborhood games and other play activities. Reach for something more in the youth sports programs you select for your child. Find ones that combine good instruction with an age-appropriate dose of relaxed fun. Help your child appreciate the richer forms of fun.

Copyright © 2010-2012 by Jeffrey S. Rhoads; All Rights Reserved

If you enjoyed this article, you may like my book:
The Joy of Youth Sports: Creating the best youth sports experience for your child (Amazon $8.95)

(Kindle Edition $2.99)

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The Coach's Kid Always Plays

If you talk to sports parents, one of the common complaints is that “the coach’s kid always plays.” Sometimes this comment refers to the coach’s child receiving more playing time, playing the glory positions (e.g. pitcher, quarterback, point guard), while in other more competitive situations it can also refer to the child playing in front of seemingly more capable players.

Is there merit to this observation or is this simply another example of sports parents tending to look at a situation through the lens of their child’s interests? It’s probably a little of both.

In youth sports, parent-coaches are essential—there are simply not enough individuals (without a child on the team) who are interested in coaching. Often, the parent-coach has played the sport in high school and is knowledgeable about the game. In these instances, the coach’s child may be more skilled than others on the team, have a greater understanding of the game, and also enjoy playing (and practicing) the sport. In other words, the parent-coach’s child may deserve to play a key position on the team or receive more playing time—especially in competitive leagues.

Coaches’ kids are sometimes held to more exacting standards and may feel that other players on the team receive preferential treatment. The coach’s child may face additional pressures including potential accusations of favoritism by their teammates. Sometimes, coaches over-compensate in their treatment of their child in an effort to remove any suggestion of favoritism. In these instances it’s not uncommon for the child to retaliate verbally when the parent-coach “corrects” a skill or behavior.

Before you begin complaining about the parent-coach favoring his or her child, try to objectively observe how he treats all of the team’s players. Do the parent-coach’s strategies and schemes provide opportunities for each player to potentially succeed or are they geared to specifically benefit the coach’s child? Does the coach give everyone an opportunity in practice and employ the teaching principles discussed elsewhere in this blog?

Be honest with yourself. Is the coach’s child the best player for a position and does this child need to play for the team to compete? Is your child clearly superior to the coach’s child or are they close in ability? The latter situation may prove especially difficult as some coaches may unfortunately justify playing their son or daughter based on their investment of coaching time and effort.

Also, talk with your child and understand how he or she feels about the coach’s kid and their role on the team. Your child may believe that the coach’s kid is the best player for the position. Despite your feelings, your child may like the coach and believe that the coach is fairly treating each player on the team.

If you believe the coach’s child is receiving unjustified preferential treatment in comparison to your child and others on the team, you may want to discuss the matter with the coach. Arrange a time (other than after a game) to objectively talk about your concerns. Try to understand the coach’s philosophy and specific reasons for making his or her choices. Do not accept blatant favoritism, but understand the difficult position that a child and their parent-coach sometimes face. If you feel strongly that the “system is broken," consider becoming a youth coach to provide the experience that you believe all young athletes should enjoy!

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Free Sports Software

In the Free Software sidebar, I've added a link to a program called GameDiary. This is one of several sports software applications I've developed within my Avaplay sports company.

I recently decided to release a "free" version of the software that contains some advertisements, but includes most of the features present in the paid version. You can go to www.avaplay.com to learn more about this and other sports software applications.

Here's a short blurb describing GameDiary and how you use it:

"GameDiary is a personal sports organizer that enables you to collect pictures, video clips (including YouTube videos), statistics and game notes to tell your sport season's story. Create a new Season, add games to the schedule, and begin collecting your media and game information. Print game summaries, statistic reports, a Season schedule/calendar, and your personal profile and sports card. Add sportscaster voice-overs or personal audio notes to enhance your media, share your Seasons with other GameDiary users, and much more. Designed for the athlete and sports parent, this single sports software program supports ALL sports."

If you're interested in "telling the story" of an athlete's sports season, I suggest you check out GameDiary.

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Don't Underestimate the Effect Sports Have on Your Child

A good friend of mine, who coached a youth baseball team of nine and ten-year-old boys, related the following story to me. It illustrates the positive effect sports can have—even on the most unlikely of children.

“A few years back, the parent of one of my former players told me about a speech her son gave as a senior in high school. Each student in the class was required to give a talk on something that had a ‘profound effect on their lives.’

It had been eight years since the boy had played for me. The boy was arguably the least athletic child on my team; however, he was the brightest and went on to win most of the academic awards at his high school as well as a college scholarship. The boy could have spoken about any of the numerous academic awards or his scholarship; but instead, he spoke of the one hit he got as a nine year old to win a key game. He also spoke about the importance of his coach believing in him to come through when substituting in a better hitter was the easier, safer choice.

I was obviously warmed to hear that a coaching decision of mine had such a positive impact on this child. But I was also struck by the fact that the child you think is least influenced by sports is the one that carries their effect with them forever.”

Whether your child is a star athlete, beginning player, or a struggling, non-athletic boy or girl, you should recognize that sports often play a significant role in his or her life. In the above example, a boy unaccustomed to athletic success found his heroic moment and held it close to his heart. Regardless of your child’s apparent abilities, believe in your child and support his or her interest in sports.


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LeBron James is a Failure (and So Are You)

PLAYER

At some point or some level, all athletes eventually fail. Great players, defined by their last moment heroics, have also succumbed to challenges they could not overcome, obstacles too big, and personal shortcomings of character or performance that resulted in failure. As eloquently expressed in the famous baseball poem, mighty Casey does not always bring joy to Mudville.

You should understand that the failure to convert the big shot, and other similar disappointing moments are a common bond among all competitive athletes. Every athlete has experienced the bitter moments of a personal failure or a devastating loss, sometimes forever altered by the event. When you try and fail in these key moments, you are experiencing the same set of emotions that all of your sports heroes have gone through.

Also understand that putting yourself in the position to take the big shot, and having the courage to do so, in itself is an admirable quality. Regardless of the outcome, these moments reveal a positive aspect of your character—reaching for the prize instead of giving in to a fear of failure. You will eventually learn that the disappointment of failure is usually preferable to a lifetime of regret for not facing a challenging moment.

These failures, both real and anticipated, can also have a positive effect. They provide you with the motivation to prepare, giving yourself the best chance to succeed when you face these special moments. Always attempt to translate any fear of failure that you may have into constructive actions.

Finally, recognize that these types of failure are the necessary flip side of your greatest successes. If you don’t try, you’ll never enjoy the incredibly satisfying and fulfilling emotion associated with winning your heroic moment.

Embrace your athletic failures as an educational and necessary part of the journey. As LeBron says, "Don't be afraid of failure. This is the way to succeed."


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The Joy of Youth Sports Now Available from Amazon

My book, The Joy of Youth Sports, is now available from Amazon for $8.95.

To view the Amazon product page go to The Joy of Youth Sports. The "Look Inside" feature is enabled for this book.

If you are affiliated with an organization that is interested in distributing this book to your member community, substantial discounts are available. Please contact info@insideyouthsports.org for more information.


Here's the book's back cover:




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