Monday, August 24, 2015

We Had a Ball...

   Our guest post this month is by Nancy Hoehl Shapiro , the author of a new book, We Had a Ball... The Indelible Influence of Youth Sports on the Game of Life. Through the many stories Nancy has collected, her book provide a unique mix of humor, nostalgia, and lessons learned from these childhood and adolescent sports experiences.

We Had a Ball...

Many years ago, someplace in the decade that was the 80’s, I was attending my ten year old daughter’s summer recreational soccer league game. At the end of the game I noticed one of the coaches come over to the one little girl who had not played at all in this game. His words to her have remained in my head for all of these years: “Sorry you didn’t play today, Melissa, but we needed to win this one.” I knew then that this part of youth sports was not supporting the emotional well being of some of the kids involved.

Many years later, after our five kids had become parents and coaches themselves, and our grandkids were now playing so many sports, I decided to ask the questions: Do you remember playing sports as a kid? If so, how did it influence you and your life? Did playing sports have either a positive or negative impact on your own self-esteem?

I sent these questions via e-mail to many people of many ages. So quickly their stories were being shared with me. These stories were filled with nostalgia, and humor, and insights into lessons learned. “We Had a Ball….The Indelible Influence of Youth Sports” began!

Memories shared include relationships with father/coaches, with not making the team in school, with learning 40 years later why your tennis teacher was so strict when you threw your racquet on the court, with being the last chosen in gym class teams, with reconnecting with your need for play as an adult, and with successes and victories and friends. Each story shared was authentic, with an almost innocent vulnerability in many cases.

Included in “We Had a Ball…” are the generously shared voices of medical professionals who wrote about physical safety, and of John O’Sullivan who speaks so clearly about the need to “put our children on a road to somewhere, one paved with balanced childhoods, exploration, enjoyment, and yes, multiple sports.” (“The Race to Nowhere in Youth Sports” John O’Sullivan).

Coaches who I had the good fortune to observe working so gently and wisely with the children on their teams were willing to share what and who had influenced them to coach in this way.

I learned so much from these “current voices”…perhaps most importantly that we must honor the child developmentally, and not put our child in the position of being treated as an adult in adult situations. I learned that there is indeed “joy” in our memories of organized youth sports, but that some of the memories of ‘playing freely’ those games of stick ball on city streets, or those neighborhood baseball games without uniforms and coaches and umpires were also memories deeply held in the hearts and minds of those who played those games very long ago.

Do you remember playing sports as a child or teenager? Has that experience influenced your life?

For more information on Nancy Hoehl Shapiro and her book, go to

Copyright © 2015 Jeffrey S. Rhoads. All Rights Reserved

If you enjoyed this article, you may like my book: The Joy of Youth Sports: Creating the Best Youth Sports Experience for Your Child

($8.95; Kindle: $2.99)


Sunday, January 11, 2015

Build Confidence and Paths to Success

   A child typically views his or her sports experience through the lens of personal success. Each child’s sense of athletic worth is based on his or her performance relative to others and, in team sports, the perceived contributions made to his or her team.

Most kids naturally discover their talent as they mature. They gradually learn how to apply their abilities in a way that leads to both individual and team success. But problems can arise both in the way a child internally defines success and his or her understanding of how to achieve it.

Some young athletes erroneously view success in more selfish terms—am I dribbling the ball, scoring a goal, or am I otherwise the center of attention? They fail to connect the individual act to the overall goal. Still others struggle to find any path to success. They feel they can’t keep up and have no idea how to contribute.

Parents can also contribute to the problem when they push their child into situations for which they are not yet prepared to succeed. Parents may expect their child to play primary team roles and receive equal playing time—regardless of the situation. They fail to understand that there are times when equal playing time in a game does not provide the best developmental experience for a young child.

So, how does a coach help a struggling young player find his or her path to success?

Provide the right opportunities

Learning to succeed in team sports is a process that depends on a child understanding a few fundamental individual skills, how to connect and apply these to team play, and then having the opportunity to do so in a game situations that do not overwhelm the child. Opportunity does not necessarily lead to success. Giving a beginning athlete the opportunity to play quarterback in a football game, when he has not demonstrated the necessary skills in practice, will usually result in the player failing at the task. Worse, it may reinforce the child’s negative feelings toward playing the sport. Instead, you should look to provide a more realistic opportunity for the child to apply his or her existing abilities in a meaningful and successful way.

Several years ago, I coached a team that included a sixth grade girl named Becky. She was a shy, quiet girl who was reluctant to shoot the ball and generally unsure of herself and her basketball abilities. However, she moved well and was clearly athletic.

My approach with Becky was to first build her confidence by having her perform tasks that were well within her abilities. I also initially avoided placing her in game situations requiring extensive ball handling or the need for her to shoot the ball. Becky quickly learned how to play great defense, set screens and make good passes.

As the season progressed, her confidence grew and she naturally began taking some shots and dribbling when required. By the end of our season, Becky was a key player on our team, confidently playing the game of basketball with a smile on her face.

Sometimes the reward for a coach is not only seeing a player develop and find themselves, but also the proud look in a parent’s eye. Becky’s dad, who played basketball in high school (and obviously hoped that his child would also enjoy the sport), gratefully thanked me and my assistant coach after our last game.

Grow the playing experience

Although you should generally fit opportunities and team roles to a child’s ability to handle them, don’t necessarily eliminate opportunity because the child may be less likely to succeed. Even if a child is less talented or inexperienced, providing them with a chance for their big moment (one that may last a lifetime) is sometimes the right choice.

Your goal is to always provide each of your players with a sports experience that results in a real, positive sense of individual success. Tailor their practice and game opportunities, progressing from comfortable responsibilities and skills to more challenging ones. Let the child’s abilities and confidence naturally unfold. Occasionally throw the child into a more difficult situation that both tests them and provides them with their opportunity to enjoy a heroic moment. Pick your spots. A good coach can see ideal opportunities for lesser skilled kids to succeed.

Copyright © 2014 Jeffrey S. Rhoads. All Rights Reserved

If you enjoyed this article, you may like my book: The Joy of Youth Sports: Creating the Best Youth Sports Experience for Your Child

($8.95; Kindle: $2.99)


Sunday, December 7, 2014

It’s Okay to Compete

   Everyone likes to fit in with other people when they play sports. But do you sometimes give in too easily to your teammates or opponents? Do you quickly back down when confronted or challenged by another player? Are you too nice?

Everyone’s personality is different, and you may genuinely be a warm, caring, fun-loving person. This trait will serve you well in casual pickup games and with others who enjoy playing your sport mainly for fun. Getting along with others and resolving conflict by building consensus is important. Your enjoyment of sports will grow through the satisfaction gained from being part of a community that shares similar values.

Some players are more competitive

Understand, however, that many of your teammates and opponents are different than you and will take advantage of opportunities that provide them with a competitive edge. They may innately be more competitive, or win-oriented. Their values and reasons for playing the game may vary from yours. Their approach isn't necessarily good or bad, but is different, and you must account for it.

Also, as the competition level increases, you must expect others to have a more competitive attitude. It’s not uncommon at higher levels for the best players to play with an “edge.” With otherwise pleasant personalities, they give no quarter when competing. They don’t back down. The great players hate to lose—period.

Adjust your play

If you tend to be too nice and always give in to others, seek the middle ground. Assert yourself more often. Stand your ground. Especially in competitive settings, play with a more selfish attitude. By doing so, you will not only maximize your personal rewards but also gain the respect of your teammates and competitors.

If your teammates see you unnecessarily conceding to an opponent and not standing up for yourself, you will quickly lose their respect. Your team-mates do not want to lose because you’re afraid to claim what is rightfully yours.
In team practices or “friendly” pickup games, try to quickly assess your opponents to determine their personality type and how they’re going to play the game. If they’re extremely competitive, they may slightly bend the rules or make questionable calls to gain an advantage. Don’t accept this abuse. Instead, match their competitiveness and “name their sins” as they occur. By aggressively challenging these individuals, they will often back down and you will transform your game into one of pure competition.

Sometimes, the most satisfying, intense moments in sport come when you play with an aggressive edge—it brings out the best in both you and your competitor.

You can still be nice, but understand that it’s all right for you to compete.

Copyright © 2014 Jeffrey S. Rhoads. All Rights Reserved

If you enjoyed this article, you may like my book: The Joy of Youth Sports: Creating the Best Youth Sports Experience for Your Child

($8.95; Kindle: $2.99)


Saturday, November 8, 2014

Is Your Child Ready for a Key Team Role? (Part 3)

   Here's the third and final post in our three part series on how and why certain kids get to play key positions such as point guard, pitcher, and quarterback. In this post, we take a look at how pickup games can help your child develop key skills, and the role you play in helping your child become a better player.

In the prior two posts, we discussed some reasons why a child is selected to play a key team position, and also discussed the role coaches and organized sports play in the development of the skills needed to play these positions. As mentioned, organized sports programs cannot realistically give each child equal time in key positions. But there is still an alternative for each child to develop their skills—self-directed pickup games. And there are also other ways in which you can provide your child the best opportunity to succeed.

The importance of pickup games

Some of the most valuable lessons a child learns in sports are ones not obtained from adults in an organized sports program. Instead, these lessons come from a child’s interaction with his or her peers while participating in neighborhood pickup games. [See The Role of Organized Sports in Your Child's Life for an in-depth discussion of the importance of self-directed sports play.]

These games usually vary in their level of competition. Different groups of kids provide different opportunities to play various positions and team roles. With older more experienced children, your child may play a relatively minor role. “Fairness” is not usually the primary concern of children in these games. Kids want to compete, have fun, and make sure that they have enough players to play their game. In balancing these needs, they decide who plays what position. And this usually means the young beginner doesn’t play the key positions until he or she demonstrates the necessary abilities.

But in other games with younger, less talented players, your child may be the "best" point guard, pitcher or quarterback for that group of kids. In these games, your child has the opportunity to develop his or her abilities in the more important positions—to put into play the skills taught in organized sports programs and individually practiced. And when your child returns to organized play the next season, he or she may be ready to play a key position at a more competitive level.

This is one of several reasons why parents should promote opportunities for their children to engage in self-directed pickup games.

What you can do

Besides providing your child with the opportunity to play in pickup games and participate in a good organized sports program, what else can you do?

If you played your child’s sport when you were young, you may be able to provide valuable skill instruction and guidance. It’s no coincidence that a high school coach’s son or daughter often develops into a skilled player deserving of a key position and team role.

At an appropriate age, individual lessons from a skilled instructor may also benefit your child. These instructors can provide tips, techniques, and insights that a child would not necessarily learn on his or her own (or from a volunteer coach within the typical organized youth sports program).

And finally, try to maintain a balanced perspective on your child’s journey in sports. Fight for your child’s opportunity to grow and be his or her best. If you feel your child’s coach is unfairly favoring other children, pull the coach aside and discuss his or her reasons for placing your child in a more minor team role. The coach may believe it’s in your child’s best interest to play a team role in which she or she can enjoy some success.

Also, understand that a fun, successful sports experience for all of the team’s players may require your child to now play a certain role. As your child matures, learns new skills, and demonstrates talent, opportunities will naturally emerge for your child to play a more important team role on his or her organized sports teams.

Copyright © 2014 Jeffrey S. Rhoads. All Rights Reserved

If you enjoyed this article, you may like my book: The Joy of Youth Sports: Creating the Best Youth Sports Experience for Your Child

($8.95; Kindle: $2.99)


Monday, October 27, 2014

Is Your Child Ready for a Key Team Role? (Part 2)

   Here's the second in a three part series on how and why certain kids get to play key positions such as point guard, pitcher, and quarterback. In this post, we take a look at how organized sports and coaches impact your child's opportunity to develop the necessary skills to play a key role.

Having provided some general background on who gets to play the key positions and why, let's move on and discuss how youth coaches impact your child's development.

How organized sports help (and hinder) development

At the earliest ages, kids are taught fundamental skills by adults—often by volunteer coaches who both enjoy the sport and understand how to play and teach it. Under their guidance, every child ideally has an equal opportunity to play each position.

But as the examples in the previous post illustrate, youth sports are structured play involving interaction between the team’s participants. Sometimes it may be necessary for a coach to play certain children more at a given position to achieve any development of team play.

Youth coaches face another obstacle with their youngest players. Because of their inexperience, these children may struggle to learn one position and associated skills, let alone multiple positions. For these children, a coach may believe it’s in their best developmental interest to focus on a single role for the current season.

As a child develops and gains experience, he or she may begin to demonstrate abilities to play a key position. But an underlying characteristic of most participation-based programs is that kids of different ages, sizes, skill levels, and innate athletic ability, are grouped together. Expectations of what makes up a "fun" and successful experience vary. Although a child may have developed some skills, he or she may still be underperforming relative to other children and the level of competition. And playing a child who is overmatched at a key position invites failure for both the child and the team. With limited practice time and the importance of certain roles to a team's opportunity to succeed, it's simply unrealistic for a coach in the typical youth program to provide every child with equal time at the key positions.

As the above paragraphs highlight, there are barriers in organized youth sports that may work against your child’s opportunity to play an important role and position.

But organized sports can provide your child with the instruction needed to play that “glory” position. Your child may quickly assimilate this knowledge and become his or her team’s point guard, quarterback or pitcher. So let’s now discuss the coach’s role in developing your child’s ability.

What to expect from your child’s coach

Your child will benefit most from a coach who uses the Teach Everyone Everything (TEE™) approach in practices. This coach teaches all of the fundamental skills to every kid on his or her team. This instruction incorporates both the demonstration of a skill and the equal opportunity in practice for each child to practice the associated technique (usually via a drill). Through this means, every child is provided the skill instruction that is required to play any position in the game. This does not mean that each child receives equal time at every position in practice scrimmages or games. Your child may still only play a relatively minor role on his or her team. But through the TEE approach, every child does receive the instruction that can unlock their potential to play any position.

Your child’s coaches should always look for opportunities to challenge your child. There are sometimes opportunities in practices and games where a coach can give kids a taste of playing a key role. And for the occasional child who develops quickly, a coach should expand the child’s team role during the course of the season.

One of the most important characteristic to look for in your child’s coach is his or her ability to create a fun environment that inspires your child to want to play the game, learn more, and practice. In the end, it’s your child’s natural abilities, desire, and acquired skills that determine what position your child plays. But a coach who opens your child’s eye to his or her potential is an important factor—especially for those children who may not be as athletically gifted.

If you feel that a coach is not giving your child an opportunity to fully develop his or her talent, you may be asking yourself, "Do I have any other options?" In next week's article, we'll finish this series by looking at how pickup games and the choices you make can improve your child's opportunity to learn a sport in a way the maximizes his or her chance to play a key role.

Copyright © 2014 Jeffrey S. Rhoads. All Rights Reserved

If you enjoyed this article, you may like my book: The Joy of Youth Sports: Creating the Best Youth Sports Experience for Your Child

($8.95; Kindle: $2.99)


Sunday, October 19, 2014

Is Your Child Ready for a Key Team Role? (Part 1)

   Here's the first post in a three-part series on how and why certain kids get to play key positions such as point guard, pitcher, and quarterback. In this series, we'll cover the importance of primary roles to a team's success, the skills a child needs to develop to play key positions, and also touch on the fairness issue of playing time.

A while back, a parent posted a comment and asked, “How does my child develop expertise in an important role unless a coach is willing to rotate the player roles?” This is a fair question. Parents recognize that more attention is often focused on the athletes who play the key positions on their team. And when parents see the same kids continually playing the primary roles, they may feel it’s unfair that their child is not afforded the same opportunity.

So let’s take a closer look at why certain kids play the “glory” positions, whether this is unfair to other children, and how you can help improve your child’s opportunity to play an important team role such as quarterback, pitcher, or point guard.

Who plays the key positions and why

Success in team sports often hinges on the performance at key positions. In the NFL, it’s understood that having a “franchise” quarterback substantially improves the odds for a team to reach the Super Bowl. Championship basketball teams often have a dominant center, talented point guard, or both. Excellent hockey and soccer teams usually have forwards who can score and an outstanding goalie.

In competitive youth sports, the same principle holds true. Because youth leagues often bring together children of different age groups, the effect of dominant players in key positions is substantial. A team lacking talent at these positions will likely not compete for the league championship.

Participation-oriented youth programs usually require skilled players to occupy certain roles—not just to engage in balanced, fun competition, but to also achieve some semblance of teamwork and opportunity to play the game in a way that benefits all of the team’s players.

Placing a young football player at the quarterback position, when he has neither the strength nor accuracy to make a downfield throw, will not benefit the more experienced receivers on the team. A young baseball pitcher who can’t throw the ball over the plate will walk player after player, ruining the game for his or her teammates. And a point guard in basketball who has difficulty dribbling will continually turn the ball over to the other team. His or her teammates will never touch the ball, become frustrated, and lose interest in playing (no fun).

So even in participation oriented youth programs, there are valid reasons for coaches placing their more accomplished child athletes in certain positions. (But at this level of play, there are usually opportunities to give a less-skilled child a taste of playing a key position.)

Individual factors that lead to success

Gaining expertise at a key position, and developing the necessary skills to play the associated team role well, is a process that develops over time and with a number of influences. A child’s natural athleticism, interest in playing sports, age and size relative to others, all affect a child’s overall ability to play a key position. These factors are often also the ones that determine how far an athlete can climb up the ladder of competitive success. But for many children, these factors vary throughout the developmental years. The youngest child of course becomes the oldest at some point, a change often accompanied by increased physical stature and ability.

The other main influence on a child’s ability to play a key position is the set of skills a child has mastered. Although natural physical ability is certainly helpful, many important sport skills are learned. And through practice and repetition, these skills are mastered. There are many examples of physically inferior athletes who have enjoyed enormous success because they both understood their position and mastered the requisite skill techniques.

How does a child begin the process of learning these essential skills? Today’s parents usually expect organized youth sports programs to provide the instruction and initial opportunity for their child.

In next week's article, we'll look at how organized sports and a child’s coach impact the development of your child’s ability to play a key position.

Copyright © 2014 Jeffrey S. Rhoads. All Rights Reserved

If you enjoyed this article, you may like my book: The Joy of Youth Sports: Creating the Best Youth Sports Experience for Your Child

($8.95; Kindle: $2.99)