Is there merit to this observation or is this simply another example of sports parents tending to look at a situation through the lens of their child’s interests? It’s probably a little of both.
In youth sports, parent-coaches are essential—there are simply not enough individuals (without a child on the team) who are interested in coaching. Often, the parent-coach has played the sport in high school and is knowledgeable about the game. In these instances, the coach’s child may be more skilled than others on the team, have a greater understanding of the game, and also enjoy playing (and practicing) the sport. In other words, the parent-coach’s child may deserve to play a key position on the team or receive more playing time—especially in competitive leagues.
Coaches’ kids are sometimes held to more exacting standards and may feel that other players on the team receive preferential treatment. The coach’s child may face additional pressures including potential accusations of favoritism by their teammates. Sometimes, coaches over-compensate in their treatment of their child in an effort to remove any suggestion of favoritism. In these instances it’s not uncommon for the child to retaliate verbally when the parent-coach “corrects” a skill or behavior.
Before you begin complaining about the parent-coach favoring his or her child, try to objectively observe how he treats all of the team’s players. Do the parent-coach’s strategies and schemes provide opportunities for each player to potentially succeed or are they geared to specifically benefit the coach’s child? Does the coach give everyone an opportunity in practice and employ the teaching principles discussed elsewhere in this blog?
Be honest with yourself. Is the coach’s child the best player for a position and does this child need to play for the team to compete? Is your child clearly superior to the coach’s child or are they close in ability? The latter situation may prove especially difficult as some coaches may unfortunately justify playing their son or daughter based on their investment of coaching time and effort.
Also, talk with your child and understand how he or she feels about the coach’s kid and their role on the team. Your child may believe that the coach’s kid is the best player for the position. Despite your feelings, your child may like the coach and believe that the coach is fairly treating each player on the team.
If you believe the coach’s child is receiving unjustified preferential treatment in comparison to your child and others on the team, you may want to discuss the matter with the coach. Arrange a time (other than after a game) to objectively talk about your concerns. Try to understand the coach’s philosophy and specific reasons for making his or her choices. Do not accept blatant favoritism, but understand the difficult position that a child and their parent-coach sometimes face. If you feel strongly that the “system is broken," consider becoming a youth coach to provide the experience that you believe all young athletes should enjoy!
Copyright 2009-2012 Jeffrey S. Rhoads; All Rights Reserved
6 comments:
'Tis true. Coaches kids are the top of the pyramid. I am a coach and not afraid to tell it like it is; If I am "coachen' my kid is playen"--obviously we are not out here to let some other kid get a head of ours.
I’ve coached for ten plus years and do not think that coaches kids are favored in most cases. Where there are kids that want to play I’ve allocated opportunity on a fair basis. Of course, when no one wanted to play goalie for a girls soccer team, my daughter was drafted to do the job. She never had the opportunity to decline.
I have seen it both ways. My son's baseball coach is so tough on his son that he pulls him out of games or bats him last if he is not playing up to the dad's / coach's inflated expectations. I keep the stats for the team so I know statistically speaking the kid is a good player and should be given more slack. I also keep stats for my son's football team. My son was the fullback. The coach's son was one of two tailbacks. The coach's son had 89 total yards on 89 carries for the year. One pathetic yard per carry. My son got 16 carries in 10 games. He had 136 yards.
It's hard to be the coach's kid and sometimes the parent/coach takes the path of least resistance, so that their kid doesn't act up in the middle of practice. It's embarrassing, and difficult to take the time to parent the way you do in normal situations. (I'm talking the little ones here). As this essay says, if you don't like it, try coaching yourself. Signed, first-time coach of K-2 soccer team
For the coaches who can coach without preferential treatment, I say thank you. Unfortunately, these coaches are few and far between. I hope never to have Bennett as my sons coach. As a school counselor for 2o years I can tell you what this persons children are probably like. Many of you have seen what coaches children behave like on and off the fields. Most of them feel entitled to their positions thanks to their parent coaches. They carry this attitude into other areas of their life. Most parent coaches live vicariously through their children. The parents inability to have succeed in sports themselves places a tremendous amount of stress on their children. A lot of these children have anger management issues that are more than apparent on the playing field. Why? because thanks to their parents they think that they can do and have anything they want. Parent coaches are not only setting their children up on the fields but they are setting them up to fail in life. Effective coaches teach children that they have to earn their spots on a team because in the real world none of these parents coaches are going to coach you in the MLB. And for all of you coaches to buy into the, If you don't like it, coach or get out, I would start saving for your childrens future counseling sessions.
I agree with Anonymous on 6/8/10; thank you to the coaches who do it right. When it comes to leagues that claim to be developmental, it's the job (volunteer or not) of youth coaches to provide ALL players at the younger ages with a solid foundation and teach them the game and the skills to play it. If you can't do that and not play favorites, don't coach your own kid.
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