Help Your Child Understand His or Her Gifts

In sports, and especially youth sports, there are different ways for an athlete to enjoy success. As discussed in You're NOT too Small, Heavy, or Slow!, many physical attributes are compensatory--they limit performance in one respect but help in another. For instance, if a child is smaller than other children, he or she is likely quicker. A larger child who is slow typically enjoys a strength or height advantage.

But children often tend to focus on the negative--the differences that make it more difficult for them to fit in. They compare themselves to other children, see their shortcomings, and are disheartened. But you can help.

If your child struggles playing sports, help frame their disappointment in a fuller light. Remind your child that he or she is young, and that changes are on their way. Point out the possible ways in which a limitation can also provide an advantage.

Also help your child recognize all of the gifts they may enjoy. A good friend who coaches youth soccer passed on to me the discussion below that he has had with his daughter (and likewise a couple of the kids on his teams). If your child is struggling in sports, you may want to have a similar talk.

"Kristen, you were born with many gifts ... you're pretty, well mannered, smart, a great dancer, and have lots of friends. Many of these things come to you quite naturally and others required a lot of hard work to obtain - some of these things (dancing) you excelled at because you love it and have worked very hard at it. You do not have a great arm nor are you a natural athlete. If you want to excel in this area you are going to have to realize you need extra work and you're going to have to practice/work four hours (when the other kids have to work two). God gives us lots of gifts. Rarely does anyone get all the gifts. So don't worry that XYZ can throw better than you etc ... we all have different gifts. Focus on what gifts you have and work hard on the areas where you are not gifted."

If you enjoyed this article,
you may like my book:

The Joy of Youth Sports: Creating the best youth sports experience for your child (Amazon $8.95)

(Kindle Edition $2.99)

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What to Look For in a Youth Sports Camp

I read an article today in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette about a local baseball camp and Jerry Matulevic, the man who runs it. Unlike camps run primarily to make money, this one seems to get it right. The story is heartwarming and well worth reading. Here's the link:

30 years of fond memories from the Jerry Matulevic Championship Baseball Camp

Mr. Matulevic, a former high school baseball coach, knows that kids enjoy a successful experience in youths sports when they're taught the fundamentals in a positive, enthusiastic environment. With a mastery of a sport's fundamental skills, a child gains confidence and self-reliance, gateways to success.

The article and testaments from former camp attendees all suggest that Mr. Matulevic is the real deal—an authentic teacher who wants only to see his students become better baseball players and people. If you're considering sending your child off to camp this summer, try to find a camp that embodies the same principles as Jerry's. Forget the star players, T-shirts, and extras. Find a camp that focuses on teaching, rather than simply playing games.

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Avoid Taking Credit for Your Players' Success

There are games in which coaching makes a real difference. Besides providing leadership and strategic direction, a coach sometimes makes crucial tactical decisions during the game. Diagramming an excellent play during a timeout may even result in a memorable, last-second victory when your players execute the plan to perfection.

But despite your contribution, it’s usually a mistake for you to take any direct credit for your team’s success. Your players will begin to question your motivation and integrity—especially if you preach a team-first philosophy.

I made this blunder once in a middle school basketball tournament game. With a couple of seconds remaining on the clock, down by one point, I called a timeout. We were directly under the opponent’s basket so I called our “Box” out-of-bounds play. Normally, the two forwards located on the blocks screen for the guards positioned at the foul line. The guards then dive towards the basket looking to receive the inbounds pass.

The other team had seen this simple play a number of times. To possibly catch our opponent off-guard, I told my best forward on the ball side to take two steps toward the guard at the foul line, and then sharply reverse direction and cut back toward the ball.

Andrew perfectly executed the play, received the ball and scored a layup as the buzzer sounded. My players ran over to the bench, screaming, yelling, and jumping on each other in celebration. I congratulated Andrew and then, in an instant of self indulgence, said, “I’m going to take some credit for that win!”

I recall Andrew smiling at me, but there was also a curious, questioning look on his face. Andrew was a great, warm-hearted kid who, in his modesty, let my imperfect moment pass without comment.

Let the glory go to your players and quietly enjoy the personal satisfaction of knowing that you made an excellent game-time decision.

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Helping Your School-Age Child Succeed at Team Sports

A couple of months ago, I posted an article on How Parents Can Help a Child Become a Team Player.

Much of its content came from the ideas I originally provided to Robin Stevenson, Senior Editor for the Canadian Family magazine. You can check out her article (including my quotes) at:

Helping Your School-Age Child Succeed at Team Sports
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Choosing the Best Youth Sports Program for Your Child

Ideally your child plays for a coach who is an excellent instructor—one who recognizes teaching opportunities and communicates lessons in a positive, uplifting manner. But in addition to a good coach, participating in a youth sports program or league that fits your child’s needs is essential to fully develop his or her skills and enjoyment of the sports experience. Choose the wrong program and you risk damaging your child's desire to play sports.

Just as a coach should find a team role in which a young player can succeed, you must locate the youth sports program that best suits your child’s age, interests, and level of play. Only by providing your child with a progression of playing opportunities that match these factors, will you provide him or her with the best sports experience.

For the youngest children playing organized sports for the first time (ages five through eight), the emphasis is primarily on fun and basic skill instruction. Fun at this level is running around with a minimum of structure and rules. Within a couple of years, your child can more fully participate in the adult version of the game and begin to learn additional individual skills and team concepts. Competition is also introduced at this level. Youth sports programs that are developmental in nature and participation-based are essential to children in both of these age groups. You should make sure that your child’s youth sports leagues emphasize these principles.

As your child ages and his or her skills develop, you may see your child excel in one or more sports. You will then face the decision of placing your child in a more advanced, competitive league. Possibly your child will have the chance to play with older children. An opportunity for your child to begin specializing in a sport may also appear. In these decisions, carefully weigh the pros and cons. For a child that truly enjoys their sport and exhibits a competitive nature, playing at higher levels with better players will usually improve their level of play. But advance your child too quickly and you risk your child’s confidence and enjoyment of the experience.

Specializing too early presents the risks of injury, burnout, and loss of crossover benefits from other sports. Several studies (most recently a 2011 study conducted by Loyola University Medical Center) have found a higher incident of injury associated with early specialization. For children who have not yet reached puberty, specialization in a single sport is also risky because physical maturation (changes in body type) may limit their ability to succeed in that sport. A young girl who grows to be six feet tall is unlikely to find success as a gymnast.

Try to balance your child’s development against these risks and select youth sports programs that you feel best match your child’s particular personality and ability. The right youth sports program should challenge your child, but also enable them to enjoy the entire experience.

Should your child participate in select travel teams, you should still look for a program that provides good instruction. A league that is comprised mostly of competitive games, but little practice time, will not provide the opportunities for a coach to teach and develop his or her players.

Also remember that competitive, talented athletes often still enjoy leagues which emphasize participation. These leagues can provide a chance to play with friends in a more relaxed environment. They also offer better athletes the opportunity to develop and exercise leadership skills. As a parent interested in your child’s happiness, you could do a lot worse than placing your child in a participation-based instructional league.

And finally, provide your child with opportunities to play pickup games with other kids. This unstructured, self-directed form of play complements organized sports and affords your child with other essential benefits. [See The Role of Organized Sports in Your Child's Life for an in-depth discussion of the importance of self-directed sports play.]


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You're NOT too Small, Heavy, or Slow!

When you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see? Are you tall, short, fat, or skinny? When you participate in sports do you see yourself as slow-footed, weak, lacking excellent coordination or jumping ability? Unfortunately, many young athletes look at themselves and assume that their body type and other physical attributes necessarily limit their ability to succeed in sports.

But there’s a principle called compensation—and just as it applies to other aspects of your life, it also applies to sports. The basic idea is that a physical characteristic that limits you in some way also provides you with an advantage.

For example, you may be shorter and heavier than other players on your basketball team. You may find it difficult to defend the lighter, quicker players in open space and you’re seemingly too small to rebound against the taller players. But if you’re observant, you may also notice that your extra weight and low center of gravity provides you with an advantage in certain situations. When you set a screen, defenders have a difficult time getting past you; should they make contact, they “bounce” off you. When you post up a taller, lighter player with good jumping ability, you find that you can easily push them with your hip and gain the position you need close to the basket. You can also easily “seal them out” so you can receive a pass underneath and put the ball up for a layup. Likewise, when you rebound the ball, you notice that you can get the inside position and leverage your low center of gravity and weight to push your more athletic opponent away from the rim—letting the ball come down to a point where you can grab the rebound.

Understand the different ways that you can physically succeed within your sport. Small players are often quick; heavy players are usually wide and strong; slow players may have a quick first step (or anticipate well). Know your physical strengths and use them to your advantage.

Likewise, know your weaknesses and minimize their exposure. As you get older and the level of competition increases, compensating for your weaknesses becomes more challenging. But even at the highest level, there are superstars who are extremely weak in a few areas but compensate for their deficiencies through their exceptional strengths.

One example is Steve Nash, the All-Pro NBA guard. By most basketball standards, Steve Nash has outstanding natural attributes and excellent athleticism. But at the NBA level, he’s small and lacks the necessary quickness to defend well. He compensates for these weaknesses with exceptional ball-handling and passing skills (he’s ambidextrous), along with an excellent outside shot. His unique mix of attributes has led to his two-time selection as the NBA’s Most Valuable Player. His basketball IQ and ability to make other players better on the offensive end continue to amaze—even as he approaches the end of his career.

You should also recognize that the principle of compensation applies across different sports. A certain body type or set of physical characteristics may be a weakness in one sport while a strength in another. A tall girl is unlikely to find success in competitive gymnastics, but may excel in volleyball or basketball. A slower, larger boy may struggle in sports that put a premium on speed and quickness, but fare well as a lineman in football where size and strength are important.

Keep an open mind to all of the possibilities; always consider how you can translate a supposed limitation into an advantage.

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