When a Player Talks with Mom and Dad in the Stands

One of sport’s benefits is that it helps a young child develop an increased sense of self-reliance. A child’s first steps into organized sports are a new and sometimes intimidating experience. Learning new skills, fitting in with peers, adapting to a structured environment all take a child into a strange new place.

Sometimes both the parents and their younger children are hesitant to let go of each other. For example, I substituted for a fourth grade boy in a basketball game a few years back and shortly afterwards, looked down the bench and saw that he was missing. I didn’t concern myself too much about this, as I thought that he had gone to a water fountain for a drink. Several minutes later, he had still not returned to the bench. I looked more closely around the gym and found him seated next to his parents in the bleachers, calmly watching the game, drinking some water, and engaged in what appeared to be a casual conversation. I had to wave to him and his parents to get their attention and indicate that I wanted the boy back on my bench.

Although the situation I described above is humorous and likely to occur only with the youngest, most inexperienced children, a more serious parent/child connection occasionally appears.

Sometimes you will see a player on the court or field looking up into the stands and either talking or making gestures to one of their parents. You may also see a parent constantly shouting out instructions to their child. A player, especially an older one, who is carrying on a discussion with a parent while playing, is engaging in a destructive behavior. Not only does this behavior potentially harm a player’s sense of self-reliance and self-esteem, but it also distracts the player from the game’s action.

If you find yourself interacting with your child during a game, barking out advice to the point your child is continually looking toward you, you need to realize the problems that this can cause and try to minimize this behavior. A wise coach will not tolerate this conduct and will tell your child to focus on the game and only listen to instructions from the bench. Your child’s coach may also approach you and inform you that this behavior is unacceptable.

I've coached a couple of boys who were good players and great kids, but unfortunately had parents who were constantly instructing their child from the stands. The lack of self-confidence played all over these boys’ faces and in their constant need for approval from both their parents and me.

Be a positive force in building your child’s sense of self-reliance—insist that your child concentrate fully on the game and control your own behavior during a game. Be a great fan to your child and his or her team. Let the coaches coach.

Read more...

Winning—Different Ways to Get a Scoreboard Win

As I often remind readers, "winning" isn't always about the scoreboard—especially in youth sports. But in this article, I want to focus on the more traditional concept of winning and some of the game day factors that influence a competition's outcome. More specifically, I'll discuss the less obvious, non-physical aspects of a player's performance and provide a few illustrative stories from my personal experience.

In sports you can win or lose a game in many different ways. Sometimes seemingly overwhelming advantages evaporate when confronted with a particular combination of skills, strategy, and tactics. This reality can provide you with your greatest victories, but also bring you heartbreaking losses.

Whether you’re favored to win or are the overwhelming underdog, always keep this principle in mind. Your opponent may look physically superior, either in athleticism or skills, but lack in some other less visible area. He or she may not handle pressure well or may make too many unforced errors. Likewise, your opponent may appear physically inferior, but still have an understanding of the game and its tactics that far exceeds yours—providing your opponent with an advantage that is not fully evident until the contest is well under way.

Gamesmanship may also play a role in determining who wins a contest. As it relates to playing your sport, you or your opponent may have a better understanding of human nature and attempt to use it to gain advantage. Certain player actions, comments, and attitude displays will sometimes affect an opponent’s state of mind, disrupting the flow of his or her game and ability to play it well.

Sometimes the environment in which a game is played also affects the contest’s outcome. Fan support, home field advantage, and playing conditions can all play a role in determining a winner and a loser.

At the close of my high school tennis career, my partner and I played in a local doubles tournament. Although we were seeded number one, we played two players from a private city school in the finals who clearly possessed better strokes and a more refined game. It only took a few minutes of warming up with our opponents to realize that we were in trouble. But there was another external factor that would eventually help determine the match's outcome. The weather. It was an extremely windy day.

The match began and we played poorly. While the wind carried our misplaced shots well out of bounds, our opponent’s superior ground strokes seemed to cut through the wind and give them winner after winner. At first we were grumbling and moaning over our misfortune, then yelling in frustration, and finally laughing in disbelief at our incompetence. But the wind, our wild shots, and visible behavior began to work to our advantage—our opponent’s game slowly began to fall apart. The stop and start, erratic nature of the match disrupted our opponent’s flow and concentration. As they began to make unforced errors, we pulled ourselves together, raised the level of our game, and eventually walked away with the championship trophy. Our opponents were disgusted with themselves, unable to comprehend how they lost a match to "less-talented" players.

While playing tennis during my junior year, I experienced two other situations that demonstrated how you can win a contest through means other than athleticism or physical skill. At the beginning of the season, I played another teammate to determine who would be the number three singles player. I was clearly the best athlete and had more potent ground strokes. But in our match, my teammate won, playing better angles and varying the pace of the game. His command of game tactics was superior to mine and provided him with the edge that eventually led to his victory.

A far more entertaining match (for me) occurred later in the season involving a teammate named Jay, our second singles player. Having quickly won my doubles match, I watched as Jay struggled to compete in the deciding third set. Although Jay was an excellent player, his powerful opponent seemed to have figured out Jay’s game. His opponent loved pace and was crushing his return shots at every opportunity.

In frustration, Jay changed his tactics. He began to serve underhand, hitting the ball in a looping arc that bounced high in the service box. Jay’s opponent ran up to the ball, wound up, and swung his racquet as hard as he could to put the ball away and immediately win the point. The only problem was that, in his eagerness to end the point, he began to hit the service returns out of play. During rallies, Jay began to also mix in lobs with regular ground strokes. I watched in disbelief as Jay’s opponent grew more and more frustrated, dumping shots into the net and spraying the ball past the end lines. As the match continued, his opponent completely lost his composure and Jay came back to win the match. Jay’s courage and willingness to dramatically change his tactics keyed his victory and provided our team with an enjoyable ride home.

You should always seek to understand the different ways in which a game can be won or lost. Never grow too confident in your physical ability or skills—realize that game tactics and other factors may play an important role in determining a contest’s victor.

Read more...