Build Confidence and Paths to Success

A child typically views his or her sports experience through the lens of personal success. Each child’s sense of athletic worth is based on his or her performance relative to others and, in team sports, the perceived contributions made to his or her team.

Most kids naturally discover their talent as they mature. They gradually learn how to apply their abilities in a way that leads to both individual and team success. But problems can arise both in the way a child internally defines success and his or her understanding of how to achieve it.

Some young athletes erroneously view success in more selfish terms—am I dribbling the ball, scoring a goal, or am I otherwise the center of attention? They fail to connect the individual act to the overall goal. Still others struggle to find any path to success. They feel they can’t keep up and have no idea how to contribute.

Parents can also contribute to the problem when they push their child into situations for which they are not yet prepared to succeed. Parents may expect their child to play primary team roles and receive equal playing time—regardless of the situation. They fail to understand that there are times when equal playing time in a game does not provide the best developmental experience for a young child.

So, how does a coach help a struggling young player find his or her path to success?

Learning to succeed in team sports is a process that depends on a child understanding a few fundamental individual skills, how to connect and apply these to team play, and then having the opportunity to do so in a game situations that do not overwhelm the child. Opportunity does not necessarily lead to success. Giving a beginning athlete the opportunity to play quarterback in a football game, when he has not demonstrated the necessary skills in practice, will usually result in the player failing at the task. Worse, it may reinforce the child’s negative feelings toward playing the sport. Instead, you should look to provide a more realistic opportunity for the child to apply his or her existing abilities in a meaningful and successful way.

Several years ago, I coached a team that included a sixth grade girl named Becky. She was a shy, quiet girl who was reluctant to shoot the ball and generally unsure of herself and her basketball abilities. However, she moved well and was clearly athletic.

My approach with Becky was to first build her confidence by having her perform tasks that were well within her abilities. I also initially avoided placing her in game situations requiring extensive ball handling or the need for her to shoot the ball. Becky quickly learned how to play great defense, set screens and make good passes.

As the season progressed, her confidence grew and she naturally began taking some shots and dribbling when required. By the end of our season, Becky was a key player on our team, confidently playing the game of basketball with a smile on her face.

Sometimes the reward for a coach is not only seeing a player develop and find themselves, but also the proud look in a parent’s eye. Becky’s dad, who played basketball in high school (and obviously hoped that his child would also enjoy the sport), gratefully thanked me and my assistant coach after our last game.

Although you should generally fit opportunities and team roles to a child’s ability to handle them, don’t necessarily eliminate opportunity because the child may be less likely to succeed. Even if a child is less talented or inexperienced, providing them with a chance for their big moment (one that may last a lifetime) is sometimes the right choice.

Your goal is to always provide each of your players with a sports experience that results in a real, positive sense of individual success. Tailor their practice and game opportunities, progressing from comfortable responsibilities and skills to more challenging ones. Let the child’s abilities and confidence naturally unfold. Occasionally throw the child into a more difficult situation that both tests them and provides them with their opportunity to enjoy a heroic moment. Pick your spots. A good coach can see ideal opportunities for lesser skilled kids to succeed.


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Fun? You Call this Fun?

No, this is not another article decrying organized youth sports for being too competitive and adult-driven. It's not about how organized sports can sometimes suck all of the fun out of a young athlete's experience in youth sports. And it's not yet another newsworthy tale of a parent behaving badly at their son or daughter's game.

Instead, I'm going to discuss the meaning of fun and how it applies to youth sports.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines fun as "what provides amusement or enjoyment." Another dictionary of mine defines fun as "lively, joyous play or playfulness." These both represent descriptions of an activity that generates a feeling within an individual. But is one person's fun, as it relates to playing sports, the same as another person's?

Different Flavors

The truth is that the word “fun” has different meanings. Fun has an elastic quality. Its nature can change depending on a person's mood and his or her expectations for participation. It's meaning sometimes changes based on group dynamics—the type of participants and the way in which they interact.

There is the relaxed, non-directed play that I sometimes refer to as “running around and picking daisies.” This form of play is all about the running, laughing, relaxed camaraderie, and simple animal joy that children experience when they move and release energy. Everyone has seen a group of kids playing an “organized” sport in their backyard or street and watched as the game devolves into giggling, exaggerated one-on-one battles, wild shots, “new rules,” and running after each other. These children are enjoying the “picking daisies” form of fun.

There is also the type of fun that is embodied in a more structured, competitive activity. This “running around” is more directed, set against an opposing force, and produces a more complex set of emotions that many children will also describe as “fun.” The competitive aspect of this more intense play provides a challenge which often spurs a superior, sometimes undreamed level of performance. “Fun” is experienced in a joyous individual or team moment where all the parts perfectly come together in that instant of time. Learning a new skill, and how to better compete, leads to an exhilarating “fun” feeling of greater self esteem and confidence. Preparing for, and reaching a shared team goal [think celebrating a championship] is “fun.” These forms of fun are especially appealing to older children who seek a richer experience in sports.

Fun and Organized Youth Sports

Having played sports for my entire life and coached youth basketball for a good part of it, I sometimes hear a parent or administrator casually say, “We’re just out here to run around and have some fun.” Yes, in some situations, that observation is dead-on—but not in most instructional youth sports programs with games and practices. The person who says, “Let’s just have fun,” does not grasp the essence of the goals pursued by a good youth sports coach. Most coaches (along with players and knowledgeable parents) want more.

Although “picking daisies” is always part of youth sports, children can easily find this form of fun in unstructured neighborhood games and other play activities. Reach for something more in the youth sports programs you select for your child. Find ones that combine good instruction with an age-appropriate dose of relaxed fun. Help your child appreciate the richer forms of fun.

Copyright © 2010-2012 by Jeffrey S. Rhoads; All Rights Reserved

If you enjoyed this article, you may like my book:
The Joy of Youth Sports: Creating the best youth sports experience for your child (Amazon $8.95)

(Kindle Edition $2.99)

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